99.99% Uptime 0% Sleep

Funny DevOps hoodie for SREs and server engineers who guarantee the system stays up at the cost of their own sleep. The cruel math of reliability engineering, worn proudly. Free shipping.

The SLA says 99.99% uptime. Nobody mentions what that costs you. This cozy hoodie wears like a quiet badge for late-night devs, sysadmins, and anyone who lives by uptime metrics. The front panel mimics a status display: green "99.99% UPTIME" and red "0% SLEEP" — a deadpan nod to deploy nights, back-to-back sprints, and the adrenaline of keeping systems stable. The kangaroo pocket holds your phone while you read logs at 2am; the adjustable hood blocks drafts during morning standups after zero-sleep nights. Subtle, techy, and brutally honest.

Product features

- 50/50 cotton-poly blend for durable softness and cozy warmth

- Tubular knit, no side seams for a smooth fit

- Kangaroo pouch pocket, double-lined hood, colour-matched drawcord

- Bold front graphic printed with DTG for vibrant, crack-free colour

- OEKO-TEX® certified, ethically sourced, tear-away label

Care instructions

- Machine wash: cold (max 30°C / 90°F)

- Non-chlorine bleach as needed

- Tumble dry: medium

- Iron: low heat

- Do not dryclean

EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY

Product information: Gildan 18500, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC

Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Bangladesh

Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: medium, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does delivery take?

Each item is made-to-order just for you, so production takes 2-5 business days before shipping. Delivery times vary by location — estimated shipping times and costs for your country are shown at checkout. All orders include tracking so you can follow your package.

Will the print fade or crack after washing?

Our designs are printed using DTG (Direct to Garment) technology with water-based eco-friendly inks that bond directly to the fabric fibres. With proper care — washing cold, inside-out, and tumble drying on low — your print will stay vibrant for years.

What's your return & refund policy?

Since each item is printed on demand specifically for you, we cannot accept returns or exchanges for change of mind. However, if your item arrives damaged or defective, contact us within 30 days of delivery with a photo of the issue and we'll send a free replacement or full refund — no need to return the item.

Is this true to size?

Yes — our garments follow standard unisex sizing (see the size guide above). Measurements may vary by ±1.5 inches. If you're between sizes or prefer a more relaxed fit, we recommend sizing up one.

Why is this made-to-order?

Every item is printed fresh when you order it — no pre-made stock sitting in a warehouse. This means zero waste, more sustainable production, and your garment is made specifically for you. It takes a few extra days, but you're getting a freshly made product with no shelf wear.